yesterday's sun,
beams early with a smile
and a, "how do you do?"
that won't wait
like newly planted grass
that's all the rage.
its' rays, aiming in one direction
stroking with warm hands
of light
locked in a gaze
of intrigue and desire; But
like always, sooner than later
it sets, leaving me
to lie under a starless sky.
May 31, 2012
May 30, 2012
Rumspringa
Jumping up with a Spring of 16
Bringing it back to where it should've been.
Oats and wild lettuce still on the plate, yet
Better still, wild oats, sewn.... like new.
The slate wiped clean,
"I'm gonna cream this!" she declares--
Out the door she bolts, the lock behind!
Bringing it back to where it should've been.
Oats and wild lettuce still on the plate, yet
Better still, wild oats, sewn.... like new.
The slate wiped clean,
"I'm gonna cream this!" she declares--
Out the door she bolts, the lock behind!
May 29, 2012
my memory
It always concerns me that people think I'm delusional or "stalky" because I remember so much. If I recall the most minute of things about you.... it's because I care and I have a memory that just doesn't fail! yea, I might remember that day you had a grilled cheese or had an itch that wouldn't wait.... but it's only because I cared enough to remember. I promise.... I'm not a crazy stalker.... AND, this memory of mine has caused more problems than it has served....
it is what it is....
it is what it is....
Enjoying the hazy sun
Sitting outside listening to the teenage girl and her friends who live next door having a passionate discussion about boys. I missed this ritual growing up, and find it interesting! They sound A LOT like the ladies of The View. Is this really how girls talk to each other???? Is it outgrown????
Ha! Don't laugh! I have never in my entire life sat around with girls/women and discussed boys.
Ok.... The subject is getting into TMI now....... Aaaaggggghhhh
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Ha! Don't laugh! I have never in my entire life sat around with girls/women and discussed boys.
Ok.... The subject is getting into TMI now....... Aaaaggggghhhh
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May 27, 2012
Friend - zee
His muscles flex
Then fall flat
The man in the mirror
Talks back in a whisper
At her hands
Perhaps he can,
Become.
Then fall flat
The man in the mirror
Talks back in a whisper
At her hands
Perhaps he can,
Become.
May 25, 2012
you first
leanin in backin out
steppin to the side
like I wished at the
door I fucked it, again
I'ma get it
right
sometime babe.
my thoughts droppin
free fallin speed
wild n outta control
but still, on my hands
I'll keep on sittin
cause I got this
under control.
of course, right
in the door
I had to duck
under cover, I
got it. (you read that right)
a lame ass rhyme for you, next time
I'll do better. you got me.
steppin to the side
like I wished at the
door I fucked it, again
I'ma get it
right
sometime babe.
my thoughts droppin
free fallin speed
wild n outta control
but still, on my hands
I'll keep on sittin
cause I got this
under control.
of course, right
in the door
I had to duck
under cover, I
got it. (you read that right)
a lame ass rhyme for you, next time
I'll do better. you got me.
May 22, 2012
First Confession, At Last
Tonight, meet me
on the corner of you and me
in a dream where we fall, over
Moon light walks, hand in hand
fires lit over long talks
passing of time stops, existing
only for our desires
leaning, for a kiss
I promise you won't want to miss!
The sway of your hips, the play in your lips, I
am lured by, in every way.
staying away not an option
anymore babe, in my arms
is where you belong, someday
will come
and, so will you to me.
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on the corner of you and me
in a dream where we fall, over
Moon light walks, hand in hand
fires lit over long talks
passing of time stops, existing
only for our desires
leaning, for a kiss
I promise you won't want to miss!
The sway of your hips, the play in your lips, I
am lured by, in every way.
staying away not an option
anymore babe, in my arms
is where you belong, someday
will come
and, so will you to me.
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In Some Ways
In bed, without what needed to be said
In fear, of what you can hear.
What will make you run
and what will make you come?
Some signs are easy to find
Some lies, dare to be defied.
But what will make you run
and what will make you come?
Ways inside, I will not guide
Ways around, I will not bound, either.
So, what will make you run
and what will make you come?
In some ways, I think I know...
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In fear, of what you can hear.
What will make you run
and what will make you come?
Some signs are easy to find
Some lies, dare to be defied.
But what will make you run
and what will make you come?
Ways inside, I will not guide
Ways around, I will not bound, either.
So, what will make you run
and what will make you come?
In some ways, I think I know...
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Imbibe
midnight tea, we sip slowly
lit candle, a bit more than we can handle
no worries, cause sorry won't escape
these sipping lips.
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lit candle, a bit more than we can handle
no worries, cause sorry won't escape
these sipping lips.
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May 21, 2012
Despite
Just sitting here
feeling terribly disappointed
in myself.
Drowning it with music, kinda.
I gave into my demon,
not something I'm prone to,
usually.
Had unbelievable desire
to buy a pack of smokes.
I talked myself into a compromise
of an electronic smoke.
Got it home, trembling with excitement
and weighted with guilt.
Taking 2 DEEP drags anyway...
it was heavenly. Felt like home,
if that says anything to you.
I shall be
a better caretaker to myself
tomorrow. I Hope.
feeling terribly disappointed
in myself.
Drowning it with music, kinda.
I gave into my demon,
not something I'm prone to,
usually.
Had unbelievable desire
to buy a pack of smokes.
I talked myself into a compromise
of an electronic smoke.
Got it home, trembling with excitement
and weighted with guilt.
Taking 2 DEEP drags anyway...
it was heavenly. Felt like home,
if that says anything to you.
I shall be
a better caretaker to myself
tomorrow. I Hope.
May 20, 2012
hidden secrets
okay, so I have this bouquet I picked up
just for you and oh, I just wanna say
it's not a relay but we could be
on our way, you know to that place
where we just go lay in the night
without the moon and a million stars
not forsaken but when standing toe to toe
cheering for you and me
to stay just past the wake. I'm not
saying this must be obeyed to a T
I will say, I have a smile on my face
for the day my heart and yours
hear the same beat.
does a month from Monday
work for you?
just for you and oh, I just wanna say
it's not a relay but we could be
on our way, you know to that place
where we just go lay in the night
without the moon and a million stars
not forsaken but when standing toe to toe
cheering for you and me
to stay just past the wake. I'm not
saying this must be obeyed to a T
I will say, I have a smile on my face
for the day my heart and yours
hear the same beat.
does a month from Monday
work for you?
May 17, 2012
Caller Id
In its blanket of blackness
That damn telephone
Full of buttons
Pushing mine
Mocking,
Smirking,
Seducing my fingers
Over your number, only
To hang up
Before the ring leads
Your ear to my whisper.
Do you ever hear it?
That damn telephone
Full of buttons
Pushing mine
Mocking,
Smirking,
Seducing my fingers
Over your number, only
To hang up
Before the ring leads
Your ear to my whisper.
Do you ever hear it?
May 16, 2012
So Bad
Hot enough to melt hell
and yea, well
I'm yellin it
not fearin it
from the roof top!
The music tells all
if you can hear it,
I'll steer it, if you let it
I bet it all, you will
cause you feel it,
inside and out,
I'm 'bout to lose it,
for you.
g'nite, I'll stew
a bit.
and yea, well
I'm yellin it
not fearin it
from the roof top!
The music tells all
if you can hear it,
I'll steer it, if you let it
I bet it all, you will
cause you feel it,
inside and out,
I'm 'bout to lose it,
for you.
g'nite, I'll stew
a bit.
May 15, 2012
Fuck! Is The Word
I'm doing a bit of writing, and this thought occurred to me.
--I wish the world could be as liberal as the word, FUCK! Fuck is great! It doesn't discriminate, feeling most comfortable anywhere it lands. It sits nicely next to most any other word. It can be anything it needs to be at any given moment!
It can seduce you or it can tell you off. It can make any point much clearer.
(I have a smirk on my face with this one.) When used in excitement, OHHHH-- It's amazing when excited!!! I'm getting excited just thinking about it.
Fuck is nothing to be afraid of. Liberate yourself and use it often... I guarantee you won't fucking regret it!!!
--I wish the world could be as liberal as the word, FUCK! Fuck is great! It doesn't discriminate, feeling most comfortable anywhere it lands. It sits nicely next to most any other word. It can be anything it needs to be at any given moment!
It can seduce you or it can tell you off. It can make any point much clearer.
(I have a smirk on my face with this one.) When used in excitement, OHHHH-- It's amazing when excited!!! I'm getting excited just thinking about it.
Fuck is nothing to be afraid of. Liberate yourself and use it often... I guarantee you won't fucking regret it!!!
May 14, 2012
Passed The Past
Friday nights spent painting finger nails
knowing I was only gonna fail
cause you wanted me to climb up;
I was only your schlep
rubbing your feet
always promising me heat
always squishing your bugs
just by flaunting your jugs
you thought you could control all
I did or thought. You did, throwing you the ball
to my life, just cause I wanted you to be happy;
you manipulated me, cause I was just too sappy.
You can control a wild beast
for only so long, when she's at least
the lesser version of you
in everything she will ever do.
But, just so you know
I grew up and no longer crow
at 6 a.m. just cause you want me to.
Still though, I love you
and so very sorry to disrupt your plan
of not coming home again.
knowing I was only gonna fail
cause you wanted me to climb up;
I was only your schlep
rubbing your feet
always promising me heat
always squishing your bugs
just by flaunting your jugs
you thought you could control all
I did or thought. You did, throwing you the ball
to my life, just cause I wanted you to be happy;
you manipulated me, cause I was just too sappy.
You can control a wild beast
for only so long, when she's at least
the lesser version of you
in everything she will ever do.
But, just so you know
I grew up and no longer crow
at 6 a.m. just cause you want me to.
Still though, I love you
and so very sorry to disrupt your plan
of not coming home again.
May 13, 2012
Mother's Day
My 15th mother's day was spent with me feeling like hell. Luckily, I could just sit and do nothing. But, what I figured out today is, the most artistic thing I am capable of, is LOVE. I love to just love. I love making people happy. I love giving people hope. And, what I love most is, that money doesn't rule my life. Put me in a studio apartment with the love of my life and helping eachother fulfill our dreams.... and I'd be in heaven. What's left is, finding someone who shares that vision of heaven.
Love is ironic, isn't it? It can kill you and it can save you. I'm glad I'm finally on the saving end.
Until tomorrow...
Love is ironic, isn't it? It can kill you and it can save you. I'm glad I'm finally on the saving end.
Until tomorrow...
May 12, 2012
Thirties
There's just something about the thirties
Makes me too flirty
I declare! Those light lines
Tracing around places, mighty fine
To say the least! Those hips
Are so hip and don't get me started on her lips!
Yep! In the thirties is where I always wanted to be
But now I realize it was never about me!
Makes me too flirty
I declare! Those light lines
Tracing around places, mighty fine
To say the least! Those hips
Are so hip and don't get me started on her lips!
Yep! In the thirties is where I always wanted to be
But now I realize it was never about me!
Dear Ma'am,
At the door, so very sure
upon my right hand pulling the handle
my left would lay upon your back,
guiding you through, perfectly
it would feel, still that might send
you running for the hills.
Like a fool, I stood there
with not much cool, allowing you
to pull that damn door, feeling like a laborious chore
But still, what could I do?
Give me a sign, step to the side
letting me pull, I will gladly
Only if I knew, it was the right
thing to do! Don't laugh at me...
I tell you, this is true!
Until next time, my dear.
upon my right hand pulling the handle
my left would lay upon your back,
guiding you through, perfectly
it would feel, still that might send
you running for the hills.
Like a fool, I stood there
with not much cool, allowing you
to pull that damn door, feeling like a laborious chore
But still, what could I do?
Give me a sign, step to the side
letting me pull, I will gladly
Only if I knew, it was the right
thing to do! Don't laugh at me...
I tell you, this is true!
Until next time, my dear.
May 10, 2012
Incessantly
My spine, a highway traffic jam
carrying the thoughts of you
in a current of chills
exploding outwardly, penetrating like
a melting ice cube, dropped
down an unsuspecting shirt.
carrying the thoughts of you
in a current of chills
exploding outwardly, penetrating like
a melting ice cube, dropped
down an unsuspecting shirt.
All Whys Don't Need Answering
Like a motor coach, you came
and left without a why to blame.
Before you, I knew nothing
nothing at all.
Left alone with my own whys to answer
my heart broke low and slow behind the mirror.
Before you, I knew nothing
nothing at all.
I laugh about it now, cause since your return
your whys and mine, together they burn.
(Ha! I still don't know nothing, nothing at all.)
and left without a why to blame.
Before you, I knew nothing
nothing at all.
Left alone with my own whys to answer
my heart broke low and slow behind the mirror.
Before you, I knew nothing
nothing at all.
I laugh about it now, cause since your return
your whys and mine, together they burn.
(Ha! I still don't know nothing, nothing at all.)
May 7, 2012
reflection
I tried to write when I got home from registering from classes. Right when I walked in the door, I was able to talk to a friend who helped me to feel better. (less scared) I read poetry and did a journal entry. My emotions are deep and plentiful. Sometimes, when I'm feeling too much it's hard to focus. Maybe tomorrow I can sift through it all and find the words for something.
I'm kinda perturbed at my College. They "save" most of the classes that I need for the incoming teen freshman. So, what I needed to take to satisfy my freshman classes were not available. My fault for not doing this 24 years ago I s'pose. I ended up with 2 writing intensive classes, (Philosophy and Gender, and Intro to Peace and Conflict) and a class that's supposed to spur a lot of class interaction and discussion (Theory in Criminal Justice). That outta really get me out of my comfort zone! I'm sticking with just 12 credit hours to get me started back again. I'm excited, and I'm scared shitless! I'm not sure if I'm up to this or not. Time will tell.
Today is my mother's birthday. It's days like today that I'm sad we can't be in each others lives. I would, but I just can't stand anymore crazy manipulation from a mother who needs me to be her mother. Just can't do it. But, Mom... no matter what happened, I love you and am thankful you brought me into the world. (sniff sniff) happy birthday mom.
I'm kinda perturbed at my College. They "save" most of the classes that I need for the incoming teen freshman. So, what I needed to take to satisfy my freshman classes were not available. My fault for not doing this 24 years ago I s'pose. I ended up with 2 writing intensive classes, (Philosophy and Gender, and Intro to Peace and Conflict) and a class that's supposed to spur a lot of class interaction and discussion (Theory in Criminal Justice). That outta really get me out of my comfort zone! I'm sticking with just 12 credit hours to get me started back again. I'm excited, and I'm scared shitless! I'm not sure if I'm up to this or not. Time will tell.
Today is my mother's birthday. It's days like today that I'm sad we can't be in each others lives. I would, but I just can't stand anymore crazy manipulation from a mother who needs me to be her mother. Just can't do it. But, Mom... no matter what happened, I love you and am thankful you brought me into the world. (sniff sniff) happy birthday mom.
May 6, 2012
Enchanting Curse
Under clouds hanging low, the path beneath her feet
appears neat, at first glance.
With the sun's rays of morning, all glistens with newness
deceiving her with the belief, the next step
is in the right direction. So full of deception
smiles come and go, friend or foe,
like or not isn't the matter, if
alone she walks like scattered dust.
appears neat, at first glance.
With the sun's rays of morning, all glistens with newness
deceiving her with the belief, the next step
is in the right direction. So full of deception
smiles come and go, friend or foe,
like or not isn't the matter, if
alone she walks like scattered dust.
May 4, 2012
Destiny takes a hand
The last nine weeks have been a whirlwind. After losing my job of 20 years, I have experienced a rainbow of emotions. Of course, shock! Disappointment came next when the truth reared its ugly head, to utter and complete heart break. With all the tears that were shed, I should have lost twenty pounds or more!
After a couple of weeks spent fighting for my job with people who obviously didn't give a shit, (cold hearted cowards)... It hit me! I was no longer in love with my job, (the kids, always) but the job I gave my life to could go to hell!
The tears stopped and my mind started thinking of a new life. Employment opportunities are scarce, I found out. For three days I prayed for an answer. I didn't leave the house, I hardly ate a thing, I slept A LOT... I wasn't depressed, I was in full blown meditation! On the third day on my third sip of coffee, maybe the forth or fifth sip... But, who cares?-- I felt the weirdest force, almost pressing against me and a voice that said, "pull your retirement money and go back to school to finish what you started"!
I sat with that a moment, and my heart lit up!!! Nothing had ever felt so right in all my life!
The rest is kind of a blur. I know I didn't cry again until I discovered the peace and conflict program. I was blown away at the sheer thought I could major in my passion! After that, I felt I was no longer at the reins of my own life. Which of course was okay with me, it's not like I was doing that great of a job at it! This force outside of myself has been guiding and leading me through the entire process of returning to school.
If this is the plan for my life, I just have to trust the money and the details will come together!
I register for classes on Monday! I will be a 42 year old college sophomore... And it couldn't be more perfect!
(maybe someday, I will owe a debt of gratitude to the two imbeciles who let me go.... And I'm happy to say that my desire to punch them in the face is lessening.)
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After a couple of weeks spent fighting for my job with people who obviously didn't give a shit, (cold hearted cowards)... It hit me! I was no longer in love with my job, (the kids, always) but the job I gave my life to could go to hell!
The tears stopped and my mind started thinking of a new life. Employment opportunities are scarce, I found out. For three days I prayed for an answer. I didn't leave the house, I hardly ate a thing, I slept A LOT... I wasn't depressed, I was in full blown meditation! On the third day on my third sip of coffee, maybe the forth or fifth sip... But, who cares?-- I felt the weirdest force, almost pressing against me and a voice that said, "pull your retirement money and go back to school to finish what you started"!
I sat with that a moment, and my heart lit up!!! Nothing had ever felt so right in all my life!
The rest is kind of a blur. I know I didn't cry again until I discovered the peace and conflict program. I was blown away at the sheer thought I could major in my passion! After that, I felt I was no longer at the reins of my own life. Which of course was okay with me, it's not like I was doing that great of a job at it! This force outside of myself has been guiding and leading me through the entire process of returning to school.
If this is the plan for my life, I just have to trust the money and the details will come together!
I register for classes on Monday! I will be a 42 year old college sophomore... And it couldn't be more perfect!
(maybe someday, I will owe a debt of gratitude to the two imbeciles who let me go.... And I'm happy to say that my desire to punch them in the face is lessening.)
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May 1, 2012
Snippets
The following are pieces of my thoughts from today. Holding these cards kinda close!
Be safe, y'all!
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Be safe, y'all!
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On My Radar
A storm warning has been issued.
Increasing chance of
rapidly changing conditions.
Stay tuned for further instruction.
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Increasing chance of
rapidly changing conditions.
Stay tuned for further instruction.
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Anticipation
Perhaps, the covers pulled over
my eyes will comfortably
blind me to the
lucid sun, peaking
through the closed blinds.
Unless it breaks glass, alone
I shall lie.
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my eyes will comfortably
blind me to the
lucid sun, peaking
through the closed blinds.
Unless it breaks glass, alone
I shall lie.
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APart, With You
Gravely, gravity is my sanctity.
I only mention it cause it
keeps me firmly planted
in this here chair...
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I only mention it cause it
keeps me firmly planted
in this here chair...
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