Steps

! Ya know...
!  I could accept it...
!  if you didn't except it first:
                                              .....................

The Poem That Never Was

The first of June blast through
the thoughts lost, or just
the moment that never was
or ever will be, more than a few

smiles of smokey dreams
of dandelion wishes,
where the well turned into,
"Oh Well!"  A wasted scheme

from a moment or two
of words shaken free
on the whim of the wind,
dead upon the beautiful hue

                                    of a new day . . .

A winter's summer day

This is what you do when it's 70 in January.


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Licking the Sun

It's amazing what a warm day of sun can do!  I literally felt the depression, seated deep in my bones moving toward the surface, and out of my pores... vaporizing into thin air!  In a matter of hours I've gone from feeling the "nothing matters anymore, fuck you" blues, to "LIFE IS GREAT and everything little thing is gonna be alright" bliss!  Today, I am grateful for sunny days!!!! (Hope it's enough to get me through the next 3 rainy ones!)

More tattoos

VERY rough sketches of my ideas... Which idea is best????








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Passing Afternoons

This song has been dancing through my thoughts A LOT lately....

Thank you

Thank you Real Girl! (for everything, my feelings are less intense)  and... I am ready! --  I can't wait!!!!  :)

New tattoo

This is a rough sketch of an idea for a new tat. Thoughts?


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The State of Affairs

I miss the ol' 7-Eleven
that stood down the road
despite the crap it sold
--or simply just because;

The slurpee without warning
would freeze the brain
when gulped like dope.

 And 

the cigarette smokers
clogged my senses
as they gossiped about the latest offenses.

The fresh brewed coffee
sometimes overdone, but taste like candy

when


filled with cream and sugar 
warming my soul like jingling gold.
The doors are now locked, like a prison
from the inside out, where its lovers

remain trapped; But --without the crap. . .

or

the possibility of parole,

ever.

tired

the warmth of the spirit
from yesterday's memory
runs down the thoughts,
numbing the pain
chasing the shame
to the corner of the room
where the light switch
is turned down, like sheets
waiting for the weary to rest.



(a drunken poem)

Lies

When the storm comes, she spits and pisses

if one single drop falls upon her delicate flesh

like a Kim Kardashian who believes the hype

of a million lies, simply because her spoon is bigger,
                                                                      
                           than most.

My lasts...

One of many lasts I've documented for 2012... My last shower.  I'm not sure why I feel compelled to document so many different things today.  I guess, because 2012 brought so many changes to my life... and 2013 seems to be bringing many more.  Change is hard!!!

My Life

My entire life is about to be turned upside down... and I have no one to talk to about it.  Kind of sucks, but it is what it is... and that's kinda really the way it has always been.  So, life goes on: like it or not.  I am strong, and I WILL endure!!! ---- Luckily, there are good things to come...

InUnDate

Funny thing about days--
they bleed into the night, and repeat
with a vicious symphony of endless
chords that breaks then betrays;

never before, only after

a grand introduction, reduced to a clatter

filled with promises, not fulfilled: 

can't or won't, I don't know which, and

what the hell does that matter?

it hurts, just the same

where the winters grass or the leafless trees
lay naked, shivering in the night
where the light had once been,
dying in the midst of the deep freeze

where the nights bleed into the days

with a vicious symphony of endless

chords that breaks then betrays

as the sound of the frost falls across

my soul; like the sound of glass

falling from careless hands.

Somewhere

              The clouds beyond the battle cries
         bend the arm of the sun, 
    desperately reaching, 
aimed for the shadows; to lay
    a light over the chill 
           left in the wake of yesterday's rain...
             
                ---the days before lost maps and lies.

On Diverse Deviations

My life is about to become totally crazy for the next 12 daze as I gear up for the end of the semester, exams and papers and stress!!!  I gave myself permission to enjoy myself today.  The plan?  To lie out in the sun, YES! I said the sun.  It's the first day of December and it is beautiful here in the southeast!!!  So, as many others are hanging Christmas light and spending all of that dough they don't have to spend, I'm lying in the sun daydreaming that I'm on a tropical island with a tropical drink and a frilly straw...and... it felt GREAT! I had pen and paper in hand to write a poem for her like I said I would.... but the damn words just won't come!!!  Oh, I filled up a few pages of journal writing about things such as, there never being any soup in the house on the coldest of days, or, the light bulb always goes out when you least expect it and there's not enough time to change it...and the such; but alas... no damn poem.  :( 

I'm about to get 7 weeks off from school.  I'm hoping in that time I can find my own voice again.  I think my heart swallowed it, but... it is what it is, and well.... my will is good!

I'll leave you with a pic of me in the sun.... and a poem that I'm diggin' today.

Namaste!

 

They Went Home

by Maya Angelou

 

They went home and told their wives,

     that never once in all their lives,

 had they known a girl like me,

                                                    But... They went home.

 

They said my house was licking clean,

    no word I spoke was ever mean,

        I had an air of mystery,

                                                   But... They went home.

                                       

My praises were on all men's lips,

   they liked my smile, my wit, my hips,

    they'd spend one night, or two or three.

                                                   But...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can't seem to write, but

My poetry has died, for the moment anyway. I shall find my muse again! Inspiration is everywhere... I just need to stop focusing on the things I never should have been focusing on in the first place. I'm learning!!! When I do... The writing will return!
In the meantime, I know people have got to be tired of seeing ME on the Facebook all the damn time. Sooooo... This is my blog, about me so to speak. I wanna share with the world (cause it's just so damn pivotal!) that I am finally fitting into regular jeans that are NOT relaxed fit!!!! (see, I toldcha this is of crucial importance!)

(Ha! At least I amuse myself!)




PS: pay no attention to my clothes filing system.  I never claimed to be the best organizer... and this  system is better than the old floor one I used to have!

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I'ma chillax if it kills me!

My health has been failing lately... Well, if you count the last 18 months as lately.  It's just getting worse. I've been trying to make lifestyle changes. I quit smoking, I'm almost completely vegan, I hardly eat any sodium, sugar or white flour at all.  None of this has helped.  So, my next quest is to try to learn how chill without the help of alcohol.  HA! Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it!!! (P.S. If I bite your head off, I apologize in advance)



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A Crazy Thing Called Love

My respect and admiration just went way up for my son.  I Just found out today that his girlfriend has been very ill for over a year now.  He's risking love for her, even though he might lose her.  My heart is filled with joy over the man my son is growing into, and filled with fear of the hurt he might feel.  I've always said, we don't choose who we fall in love with... But it's always nice if the other person is there to catch us when we do.

The Dance

Just beneath the calm, right
after the collapse,

the old turned inside out
almost like chaos

with a toe tapping rhythm,
right before the dance

possesses the soul; that
won't let go until the floor

of linoleum reaches out
pulling you to, forever more.