(And yea, you might write me off as being certifiable now.... whatever. To say this out loud to the vast universe will unload so much crap off of my soul. So, I'm gonna say it no matter the consequences)
So, I made one last plea to save my job. The MAIN reason for termination is now gone, but still..... there's no mercy for the loyalty and commitment I gave. (They Couldn't even give me an answer to my face... HA!) -- My 20 years of service wielded some savings, but not nearly enough to accomplish what I want to accomplish. I've always avoided "my calling" because it seemed too impossible of an accomplishment. And I thought for sure I was wrong, it just can't be. But as time has gone by, my skills have only improved.
I think I was born with a gift of sight that others don't have. I can see beyond my own wants and needs and desires to see the big picture. I can see how to resolve conflicts. I can hear what others can't. Call me crazy, call me egocentric. But what I say is true. The people in my life become quite annoyed with me because of the things I can see and hear. They accuse me of "acting like I know everything." That's not the issue at all. I DO NOT know everything, but I absorb so much information, I can see a problem or conflict coming a mile before it gets here. As long as I keep my cool of course.... after all, I am only human. I used to think everyone was like this, but I don't think that's true anymore. So, I have learned (or have been trained) to shut up. I keep my visions to myself now. If I see something coming, I just don't mention it. If see a solution, I just keep it to myself.
Maybe this was given to me from the horrendous abuse I suffered? Maybe that was a gift after all? FUCK!!! That really sucks! I can't imagine the hell I went through was for this sight. If I could trade it, I would. Am I here to teach peace? To teach others how to listen? How to see? I just don't know, but it has nagged, and tortured me my entire life. Was this incident that happened a gift so I would get off my ass, stop living the easy life and do what I should be doing? Ok, so if it was..... what the hell am I supposed to do to fulfill it???? What now? People don't really take me seriously with this because I'm just the lowly bus driver with no education. What kind of education do I need to spread the message of peace so people will listen? It can't be religion based, because peace goes beyond all religions, all race's, all gender's, all creeds, all sexual orientations.... beyond all of us.
What do I do with this nagging pain that has never loosened its grip on me since I was a teenager? To the universe, I ask.....
