I live in North Carolina; and therefore, I am living
under the new HB2 legislation (a.k.a. bathroom bill).
Over the last 7 or 8 months, since the
popularity of Trump style bullying has gripped certain pockets of America, and
this recent fear based legislation (I won't call it hate based, as I think this
type of discrimination is based more on fear and ignorance than hate), the
quality of my life has changed.
I love Sheetz. (Does everyone know what a Sheetz
is? It's a gas station/convenience store/deli, super charged). I couldn't tell
you why I love Sheetz, other than the fact that there are a lot of them around
here, and so it's convenient -- hence the description, convenience store. Plus,
I can have all of the free ice I want for my ice water addiction, all fountain
drinks, no matter if I'm a little thirsty or a glutton, are 99¢, and I do like
a hot dog now and then. Most other people that are crowding the Sheetz
are there for much of the same reasons, I suspect.
Lately, I have had some experiences with some
guys who look like they might be construction workers, or some sort of outside
road crew workers. These particular guys I have had interactions with are, what
I'd call, your white, young, lower middle class guys. My experience with these guys
is that their values are, typically, conservative, but they are generally
always polite, southern gentlemen, until recently.
Let me tell you a bit about me before I
continue. I am a middle aged female who is a bit on the heavy side. Okay.
I’m heavy. Whatever! I haven't had a guy hit on me since my early thirties.
For the record, I happen to be a lesbian --on the "butch" side-- so
the "treat" of a guy's attention hasn't been missed.
I’ve only recently, in the last 15 years or so, become more comfortable in my skin, and am living a truer existence… in other words, I’m not as feminine as I used to be. At first glance, people mistake me for a sir, often, and I have sometimes gotten a second look by women going into the restroom, I guess because, if I'm only given a quick glance, I could be mistaken for a dude. However, I have never been harassed, or treated with disrespect, until recently.
I’ve only recently, in the last 15 years or so, become more comfortable in my skin, and am living a truer existence… in other words, I’m not as feminine as I used to be. At first glance, people mistake me for a sir, often, and I have sometimes gotten a second look by women going into the restroom, I guess because, if I'm only given a quick glance, I could be mistaken for a dude. However, I have never been harassed, or treated with disrespect, until recently.
Within the last few months at Sheetz, one guy
literally knocked into me, and whispered, "dyke" under his breath at
me. Another time, I was holding the door for a guy, and he refused it. He
walked right by me and said, "Nope," and opened the other door
himself. A few weeks ago, a guy who is on the feminine side, went into the
Sheetz, and was grabbing a cup to get a Slurpee (or the Sheetz equivalent), and
was told by one of these guys, that "[he] needed to prance on out of
there."
I don't blame Sheetz for this shift, but believe
me when I say, there has been a shift, and this animosity is coming from people
who are visibly fearful, and they feel they are warranted and clearly, in the
right. Why? Because of laws like HB2, and leaders who "model"
behaviors. These laws, and someone like Trump, instill fear, superiority, and
aggressiveness in people. Each and every time it has happened to me or I've
witnessed it, I feel shocked and surprised that this is happening.
I knew this type of behavior existed. I
remember the treatment that my adopted mama, who happens to be black, received
in public when we were out together. I remember the direction given to me by my
white supervisors of a department store, to follow any black or brown person who
entered the store. I heartedly believe it was because of the laws that
were on the books, and from the behavior of our leaders. It's disheartening.
My experience with this shift is not limited to
the Sheetz with sweaty, dirty, white guys buying hot dogs and soda pop.
I am starting Law School in the fall, and as
such, I need some professional attire. I have almost no money, so shopping is a
bit stressful, as I try on a lot of things, and buy very little. As I
said, I am a bit of a butch. If I had my dithers, I wouldn't wear clothing
specific for men or women, but that option doesn't exist, at least not within
my budget. My tastes in clothing are along the lines of Ellen DeGeneres,
and of Glenn Close in the television series, Damages. In order to get
that look, I have to shop for some of my items in the men’s department. This is
something I have done for the last 15 years or so, as I have gotten more
comfortable in my own skin. I have never, not once, had a problem, until
recently.
One sales associate, an older African American
woman, chased me across the store chanting, "Sir!" in a frantic,
panicked voice. I paid her no mind, as I didn't think she was
"siring" me. But after I got into the dressing room, and hung
my items on the hook, there was a knock on the door. "Sir?" I
replied, "May I help you?" in my non sir voice, of course. She
recoiled, stating, "Oh ---- I just wanted to make sure you were in the
correct dressing room. I hear that it appears you are."
In another store, a white, 30 something, female
customer froze when I walked into the dressing room, obviously disturbed.
Within minutes, someone was knocking on the door asking, "I just
wanted to check to see if someone is in here." I answered, in my non
sir voice again, and she walked away feeling assured that she was protecting
people's rights, and that all of the social norms are going as they should.
Now, I know I'm not the only gender,
non-confirming person who has been subject to this shift, because I see others
going through it too. And I know that men that are not masculine enough have
faced ridicule for a very long time. And, I'm well aware that of all the
marginalized folks, I am one of the last ones to become a part of this wave of
ignorance that is sweeping America. People, all the way back to the 1882
Chinese Exclusion Act, have suffered great harm due to laws, ignorance, and
leaders who guided the collective thought. Those who came to America who were
not white, straight, and protestant, have suffered, tragically. And the slaves,
OH MY GOD, the slaves...
I am merely another addition to the long list of
folks "to be afraid of," and in turn, I am afraid.
With the rise in popularity of bills such as
HB2, and the rise of the orange, scary, bully, Donald Trump, I am fearful of
what is to become of the Country I love, which has overcome and grown so much
over the last hundred years or so, albeit, slowly. Over the next 5 months, or
longer if, God forbid, Trump wins -- it will all be for nothing. This growing
animosity towards anyone who is not white, and a cis-male, will bring us back
to a mentality of the early twentieth century—only worse—because we know better
now, or should.
I hear people saying, "trust in the
American people, and know Trump will not win." Trust in the American
people? If only. I thought I could, until recently.
-->
No comments:
Post a Comment