Swooping down, she pulled the sky
so high I could see tomorrow.
Giving me wind and a wing, and boy
did I fly!
Until, the sun set, the tailwind
crossed, the skies darkened.
She threw up mountainous thunderheads,
they cut like a shard of glass.
A howling chill cast, from the walls she
shattered in an un-forecasted storm.
The heavy blanket shot
over my heart won't warm the chill,
until the sun rises.
Aug 1, 2015
Jun 23, 2015
Gibberish
In a fit of elation,
she came to wait for
a life lived,
or lived life?
Rawness and real
shared with you (and them, secretly);
a few here or there, without a feel.
(Those who came to weed,
run with the speed
of pedals ablaze).
Her smile, warped:
A packaged deal of charm
and intrigue by light,
gone dark at night.
The clock ticks on,
without a suitable mention
of her uniform at the cleaners.
she came to wait for
a life lived,
or lived life?
Rawness and real
shared with you (and them, secretly);
a few here or there, without a feel.
(Those who came to weed,
run with the speed
of pedals ablaze).
Her smile, warped:
A packaged deal of charm
and intrigue by light,
gone dark at night.
The clock ticks on,
without a suitable mention
of her uniform at the cleaners.
May 12, 2015
Rose Colored Glasses beneath Blue Skies
Standing in the middle of the road
at noon, in June,
the light is paralyzing. Everything shines
in a glow of possibility.
The beauty is surreal, like lies
in a halo; where
love waits, always waits, beyond
the next sunrise.
at noon, in June,
the light is paralyzing. Everything shines
in a glow of possibility.
The beauty is surreal, like lies
in a halo; where
love waits, always waits, beyond
the next sunrise.
May 7, 2015
Re-lay-shun Ships:
past the breakers,
beyond the let downs
and blow ups; erupting
in swirls of chaos,
of swaying hips
and pursed lips,
floating out in
a sea of noise.
beyond the let downs
and blow ups; erupting
in swirls of chaos,
of swaying hips
and pursed lips,
floating out in
a sea of noise.
May 2, 2015
Infusion
Reducing myself to a memory;
I'd freeze onto a cloud, floating
over you, falling,
melting upon your tongue,
to be swallowed and absorbed
inside of you, forever.
I'd freeze onto a cloud, floating
over you, falling,
melting upon your tongue,
to be swallowed and absorbed
inside of you, forever.
Mar 17, 2015
Mar 11, 2015
Missing
when love speaks
to my heart,
it must be traveling
without a DAMN
map, cause
it gets lost
in the translation…
to my heart,
it must be traveling
without a DAMN
map, cause
it gets lost
in the translation…
Mar 8, 2015
A Place
What happens when we live in a place that is not ours?
Living in a place without a voice or an affect, or a place to be, okay.
A place where everyone else is right, and you are wrong. A place where, 'a place to belong' is nonexistent; where your thoughts, ideas, and things are considered to be in the way of everyone elses way.
Living in a place of connection that no one else feels.
A place where everyone else is always screaming, "LOVE ME! HEAR ME! I AM IMPORTANT TOO!" And yet... you are just an other, an other whom is unworthy and taking up their place and is never loving, or hearing, or seeing them.
A place where there is always an us and a them, and nothing in between.
A place to cry for loneliness and overwhelmingness, concurrently.
A place where this is the human existence, and yet... no one else has a fucking clue that everyone else feels the same way.
Living in a place without a voice or an affect, or a place to be, okay.
A place where everyone else is right, and you are wrong. A place where, 'a place to belong' is nonexistent; where your thoughts, ideas, and things are considered to be in the way of everyone elses way.
Living in a place of connection that no one else feels.
A place where everyone else is always screaming, "LOVE ME! HEAR ME! I AM IMPORTANT TOO!" And yet... you are just an other, an other whom is unworthy and taking up their place and is never loving, or hearing, or seeing them.
A place where there is always an us and a them, and nothing in between.
A place to cry for loneliness and overwhelmingness, concurrently.
A place where this is the human existence, and yet... no one else has a fucking clue that everyone else feels the same way.
a-void
indifferent is neither and nor but,
but always without a care to give,
and so very different than different,
in an out sorta way;
indifferent, not always good
nor bad and not so distant
from a far cry
between
stillness and silence;
where answers lurk...
Mar 7, 2015
Obscure
A path for hiking, hidden beneath
briers and weeds and decaying leaves;
dry crunches of forsaken heath,
trees bending and twisting, grieves
for the sun's light to embrace the scene
in an inflamed fit of lust and greed;
an adventure of sites unseen
like words in poems she'll never read.
Feb 23, 2015
Endure
In her slithering sultriness
she attacks from the side with the smile
of innocence and the heart of a child
in the breath of a breeze;
suffocating the senses of logic
until he is held captive
in her trance, holding him there
till the moonlight dies.
she attacks from the side with the smile
of innocence and the heart of a child
in the breath of a breeze;
suffocating the senses of logic
until he is held captive
in her trance, holding him there
till the moonlight dies.
Feb 17, 2015
Feb 2, 2015
Altar-ation
A dimly lit lamp
in the corner solely
lighting a book of poetry
stained with tears, still damp
inside: pouring rain--
outside the window,
the wind blows
rattling the pane
in a procession--
as a roaring crowd,
beckoning loud-ly
the call of participation.
Nov 29, 2014
My non-poetic side
***Thinking out loud*** (yes, I'm writing, and as I read all of the back and forth banter between "sides" of this conflict or the other, my thoughts are lighting afire for my research paper) Thanks Y'all and thanks for putting up with my ramblings... Social media is a good place to observe the inner workings of people's thoughts. People tend to say more, unrestricted comments online than in real life. I have been working on a semester long research paper for my peace and conflict studies senior seminar... These are my thoughts about the conflicts that are taking center stage in America right now (i.e., Ferguson, race, religion, politics).
The thesis for my paper is that the reason humans have destructive conflicts is because of the breakdown in communication. This communication breakdown stems from our need of self-preservation, leading us to "other" (us vs them mentality). This othering creates our identity, which begins the cycle again.
When conflict arises, because of this cycle of othering, protection of self, and identity formation, we begin to create atrocity tales (it serves to further our protection of self and identities).
"The term atrocity tale serves as a justification for attacks against individuals and against even the presence of such groups in a society. An atrocity is defined as an event that is perceived as a flagrant violation of a fundamental cultural value, generally characterized by the following elements: 1) some sense of moral outrage and indignation in relation to the perceived value violation; 2) the authorization of some sort of punitive sanction; and 3) the mobilization of control efforts by the offended or injured against the apparent perpetrators.
The veracity of such tales or stories are not the issue. Instead, the major purpose of such allegations is to make the target group stand out from the ordinary providing dramatic evidence of sinister and bizarre actions. Such tales then serve both to justify the assignment of negative labels and as a warrant for extreme actions."
The thesis for my paper is that the reason humans have destructive conflicts is because of the breakdown in communication. This communication breakdown stems from our need of self-preservation, leading us to "other" (us vs them mentality). This othering creates our identity, which begins the cycle again.
When conflict arises, because of this cycle of othering, protection of self, and identity formation, we begin to create atrocity tales (it serves to further our protection of self and identities).
"The term atrocity tale serves as a justification for attacks against individuals and against even the presence of such groups in a society. An atrocity is defined as an event that is perceived as a flagrant violation of a fundamental cultural value, generally characterized by the following elements: 1) some sense of moral outrage and indignation in relation to the perceived value violation; 2) the authorization of some sort of punitive sanction; and 3) the mobilization of control efforts by the offended or injured against the apparent perpetrators.
The veracity of such tales or stories are not the issue. Instead, the major purpose of such allegations is to make the target group stand out from the ordinary providing dramatic evidence of sinister and bizarre actions. Such tales then serve both to justify the assignment of negative labels and as a warrant for extreme actions."
An illustration of my thesis (it's complicated)
Nov 27, 2014
Spinning
The earth spins on its axis at a rate of about 1000 mph, making a full rotation in 24 hours.
Simultaneously, the earth is orbiting around the sun at about 67,000 mph at the rate of about once every 365 days.
While this is going on, the sun is being pulled around the center of our galaxy (dragging us along for the ride) moving at a speed of 5000 mph, taking approximately 250 million years to make one cycle around.
Our entire galaxy is circling around the universe at who knows what rate of speed... AND... who knows what the entire universe is circulating around???
Meanwhile the 7 billion people on our little spec of sand in the dark known as earth are fighting over which type of human is best, which ideals are best, who deserves which part of land... and how the rich and powerful can become more rich and powerful. We will shoot you, blow you up, torture you, and make you suffer, all in the name of power. Human beings are some kind of arrogant special....
Effin get over it and let's figure this sh!t out!!!!!!!!
#Perspective
Simultaneously, the earth is orbiting around the sun at about 67,000 mph at the rate of about once every 365 days.
While this is going on, the sun is being pulled around the center of our galaxy (dragging us along for the ride) moving at a speed of 5000 mph, taking approximately 250 million years to make one cycle around.
Our entire galaxy is circling around the universe at who knows what rate of speed... AND... who knows what the entire universe is circulating around???
Meanwhile the 7 billion people on our little spec of sand in the dark known as earth are fighting over which type of human is best, which ideals are best, who deserves which part of land... and how the rich and powerful can become more rich and powerful. We will shoot you, blow you up, torture you, and make you suffer, all in the name of power. Human beings are some kind of arrogant special....
Effin get over it and let's figure this sh!t out!!!!!!!!
#Perspective
Oct 8, 2014
Solitude
The hour before sun
rise, the furniture
rests. The house
doesn't weep but
cradles me in
its
its
darkness; before the light
comes. It'll
moan with desire, holding you
out there.
Sep 27, 2014
Cant
alone, watching
people sit in their
comfy chairs
sipping their joy
from a cup;
when I notice
no one cares
to watch me.
people sit in their
comfy chairs
sipping their joy
from a cup;
when I notice
no one cares
to watch me.
Sep 6, 2014
Apropos
The abrupt slope
at the foot of echoes
chanting, "No!"
-- halts her
galloping feat -- Just
seconds before
losing her shoes.
at the foot of echoes
chanting, "No!"
-- halts her
galloping feat -- Just
seconds before
losing her shoes.
Aug 14, 2014
My Soul's Instinct
Every breath my lungs fight to take betrays my soul's instinct to find a way out; whether it be with alcohol, some varying form of dissociation, or a hard collision with a tree by the side of the road is of little importance, thankfully. I've fought these demons before -- but I thought the birth of my son 17 years ago had saved me from ever having to fight them again. I was wrong.
It began six weeks ago or so when one sunny afternoon as I sat at my desk working on whatever project was at hand, I caught an ever brief glimpse at the horizon's slow descend into darkness. It didn't really register within me at the time what was coming because that horizon hadn't come into view in so long. Looking back now, I should have stopped everything and walked away to take a break. I've been saying for months that I needed to take a vacation from life and check into a hotel room for a few days and just write. Since there aren't any hotels that allow guest to stay with only a payment of a thank you and a smile -- I was unable to take that break I instinctively knew I needed. Instead, I busied myself with more and more projects; working toward my goal of saving the world -- forgetting myself.
Within the last four weeks I have googled, "how to commit suicide and make it look like an accident" twice. As I said earlier, luckily my soul's instinct to escape doesn't seem to matter how it escapes, so long as it escapes. So, I make a drink involving bourbon in some fashion and put my headphones on blasting Nirvana, or Ozzy, or Seether, or anything loud and hard -- escaping, if only for a moment or two. Sadly, with drama lurking in every corner -- the reprieve is short lived and not nearly cathartic enough. Defining the drama is unnecessary for this current piece -- drama is drama no matter what shape or form it takes that we can all identify with. When the horizon has darkened, being blindsided by an insensitive bastard's discarded gum on the sidewalk -- now on my shoe -- can feel like the end of the world. That, and I had to put my dog to sleep last week. Drama. Is. Drama. Is. Drama.
Monday, August 11, 2014 at 7:08 pm I read my first post about Robin Williams. Within 10 minutes I somehow knew his death was not an accident. I knew it. I knew it with every fiber of my being because I saw me in his story. I saw the masks he wore, though very different than my own. My very first thought when I came to the realization of what had happened was, "how can I be expected to fight this battle when the genius Robin Williams couldn't fight it?" Selfish? Yes. But it's what I thought -- it's where I am in my life.
This week has been difficult. The people of the world lost in conflict and hate and chaos -- digging a hole the size of itself. There I am, standing on the side of the ever growing hole, ready to leap, but I don't. I -- in my weakened, fragile, heavy state find myself reaching into the hole to pull others out. This is both my blessing and my curse. On a very instinctual level, I know it's something I have to do; and yet, the weight of it all is suffocating me. Robin Williams leapt into the hole. Will his leap pull some others out? Will it cause others to leap with him? Will it cause me to leap with him?
The conversation has been started, but it will fade away like everything else that is hard -- and nothing will have been resolved. How do we begin shrinking the hole, thereby reducing the amount of souls it sucks in? Why is it that I have reached the bottom of this piece without once using the words suicide or mental illness? Both words have impacted my life -- so many lives for way too long and yet, stigma is still attached to them making it laborious to even softly utter them. The Band-aid was an ingenious invention -- but we, as a whole have got to stop slapping them on a broken society and look for ways to mend and heal what is killing us... what is killing me. My soul's instinct is to build a bridge of unity for the world -- and yet, here I am falling apart. Ironic. Yes. In order to help others I have to help myself, I know this... and yet... I feel lost.
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