Why is it that if I don't write everyday (or at least skip no more than a day)... writing feels impossible? I haven't written since last Thursday, and yesterday while visiting with the family I haven't seen in 25 years (or never met at all), all I could do was think about writing. Today, the opportunity was finally here.... YAY! But, everything feels forced, hard, stiff.... with the end result being crappier than usual.
I guess I'll just keep writing! At least I'm accomplishing some great journaling!!! (And NO! I won't ever share that.)
Apr 30, 2012
Since
No sound, 'cept the echo of a breath, faintly
sighing with the thought
of it.
The sweetness of it lingers on my lips, waiting
for another taste.
No feeling, 'cept the hardness of this chair, quivering
beneath the weight
of it.
The scent of it penetrates my soul, planting
nourishment for growth, deep within.
No sight, 'cept the face of fate, smiling
and longing for all
of it.
I have a hunch, the point of it will not be missed.
sighing with the thought
of it.
The sweetness of it lingers on my lips, waiting
for another taste.
No feeling, 'cept the hardness of this chair, quivering
beneath the weight
of it.
The scent of it penetrates my soul, planting
nourishment for growth, deep within.
No sight, 'cept the face of fate, smiling
and longing for all
of it.
I have a hunch, the point of it will not be missed.
Apr 29, 2012
with a squeeze of a hand and in a blink of an eye
I have found kinship with a new friend, slightly different journey but the same path, none the less. I admire her courage and passion. Yesterday, I visited that.... and felt every bit of it and felt grateful to be invited to be a part of it. Surprises are most peculiar and spectacular all in one.
After leaving "The Banquet", I visited the new Whole Foods store. Rather enjoyable! I became transfixed in the chocolate section. (deep, dark chocolate is my first love) So, I'm drooling over the chocolates, and a woman suddenly appears asking me about my tattoo. After I explain the story of it, she shows me hers, (on her back) and tells me the story of hers and what she plans to add to it. "Um, lets see, I think she said her grandma, her mama, and her best friend have inspired a cherry tree tat". Hmmmm, "cool?"
I then ask her where she got hers done, and she replies with, "In New York. I used to live there but I took a few years off of school and just started back at Guilford College." She then went with, "I notice you're wearing a Guilford College Sweat shirt, did you or do you go there?"
I explained that I took 20 years off of school and just got accepted to Guilford a few days ago. She then high fived me and asked what program I would be studying. When I told her, Peace And Conflict, she smiled and asked me my name. She told me hers, and then said, "I hope to see you around campus in the fall."
Was this a flirt? Or just someone being nice? I so wish I knew.... How can you tell when someone is coming on to you???? Well, no matter.... it was a pleasant experience, and maybe I will run into her in the fall?
Today, I will be meeting family I haven't seen in 25 years and their children and grand kids. There's often a reason that we leave certain situations, old loves or life circumstances.... but, sometimes we weren't ready for them when they presented themselves to us. I have a much stronger sense of myself now. Perhaps reconnecting with some people I was once close to will be a very good thing? I gotta tell ya though, I'm nervous as hell!!!!
These last days have impacted me and inspired some new thoughts and feelings.... and, new words. I am grateful. --- Come Monday, I will write it out.
After leaving "The Banquet", I visited the new Whole Foods store. Rather enjoyable! I became transfixed in the chocolate section. (deep, dark chocolate is my first love) So, I'm drooling over the chocolates, and a woman suddenly appears asking me about my tattoo. After I explain the story of it, she shows me hers, (on her back) and tells me the story of hers and what she plans to add to it. "Um, lets see, I think she said her grandma, her mama, and her best friend have inspired a cherry tree tat". Hmmmm, "cool?"
I then ask her where she got hers done, and she replies with, "In New York. I used to live there but I took a few years off of school and just started back at Guilford College." She then went with, "I notice you're wearing a Guilford College Sweat shirt, did you or do you go there?"
I explained that I took 20 years off of school and just got accepted to Guilford a few days ago. She then high fived me and asked what program I would be studying. When I told her, Peace And Conflict, she smiled and asked me my name. She told me hers, and then said, "I hope to see you around campus in the fall."
Was this a flirt? Or just someone being nice? I so wish I knew.... How can you tell when someone is coming on to you???? Well, no matter.... it was a pleasant experience, and maybe I will run into her in the fall?
Today, I will be meeting family I haven't seen in 25 years and their children and grand kids. There's often a reason that we leave certain situations, old loves or life circumstances.... but, sometimes we weren't ready for them when they presented themselves to us. I have a much stronger sense of myself now. Perhaps reconnecting with some people I was once close to will be a very good thing? I gotta tell ya though, I'm nervous as hell!!!!
These last days have impacted me and inspired some new thoughts and feelings.... and, new words. I am grateful. --- Come Monday, I will write it out.
Apr 26, 2012
Reading Between The Lines
Hearts are Dreaming
If they are Beaming
Just for each other, deep Within.
Love, reading between the lines
Beat, skip, beat; my heart is full Of
You, my Love.
Go always deeper still... oh My.
Always, reading between the lines
The thought of me and Your
Want of a life set on fire, even For...
For just a moment, heart to Heart.
And, reading between the lines
Same attracts same, making a Smile
Me and you cannot deny, even for Awhile.
It will rest there, Forever.
Forever, reading between the lines
Absence
Kisses for the Missus
which of course
she promptly dismisses.
Atop of her horse
alone she cries as she rides
into the setting sun
leaving me to come undone,
again.
which of course
she promptly dismisses.
Atop of her horse
alone she cries as she rides
into the setting sun
leaving me to come undone,
again.
Apr 25, 2012
Microburst
Sitting here, legs crossed
minding my own business,
every DAMN day
your face pops into focus
and BAM!
an explosion strikes
my spine, through my thighs
down to my toes, knocking me off
my foundation... ha!
I quake below the fault line.
ya know,
a sudden storm ain't all bad, babe!
Apr 24, 2012
In Time
I've always wondered 'bout yesterday;
With no nourishment, or even a dime to spare,
capable of feeding today. I declare
this here, makes me wanna stay.
Now, all I need is a damn map!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
With no nourishment, or even a dime to spare,
capable of feeding today. I declare
this here, makes me wanna stay.
Now, all I need is a damn map!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
definition of...
Fate: The yarn string, cat play thing,
danglin' and teasin'
for no apparent reason.
(There's a poem in there somewhere, I'm sure of it.)
danglin' and teasin'
for no apparent reason.
(There's a poem in there somewhere, I'm sure of it.)
Apr 23, 2012
The Sea-gall
Tip toeing by the sea, chasing the waves
with revenge. His feet cringe in the sand,
being the only things that feel, anyway. Believing
days are not made for him, his heart fades
with the tides, in and out. He is loyal
to this beach, his wings haven't reached
for the sky in over a year. His eyes lie
when he is fed, with free bread.
with revenge. His feet cringe in the sand,
being the only things that feel, anyway. Believing
days are not made for him, his heart fades
with the tides, in and out. He is loyal
to this beach, his wings haven't reached
for the sky in over a year. His eyes lie
when he is fed, with free bread.
Apr 22, 2012
A West Dream
In bed by twelve, mothering himself
like always. Turning with the motion of spinning,
sheets knotting between knees, he turns to
the left with a sigh.
Upon closing
his eyes, he finds himself moving
through a vast plain, with the crinkles
of yesterdays grass beneath bare feet.
The thick clouds pressing against
him like the weight
of a new lover.
Moving through the field, the air thickened
with humidity, like a moist thicket after a rain.
Huffing even faster, and coming upon the edge of
verdurous woodland with trees the size of giants,
and the color of her cheeks.
Stumbling upon her alluvial flat, bumping up to the side of a gorge,
the trees sway hypnotically, rippling like small explosions
through the length of their trunks. The moan
parting lips, with the warm breath just before a kiss, lost
within the cathedral-like forest.
Inflamed with passion
westerly breezes move the valiant storm in
tinging with electricity,
penetrating deeper than the night.
Climbing to the top of the hillside, the trees on the flat
below like a blue eyed babe, the morning after.
The clouds thin, vision less hazy, eyes open
with the desperation of night, giving way to dawn.
like always. Turning with the motion of spinning,
sheets knotting between knees, he turns to
the left with a sigh.
his eyes, he finds himself moving
him like the weight
Moving through the field, the air thickened
with humidity, like a moist thicket after a rain.
Huffing even faster, and coming upon the edge of
verdurous woodland with trees the size of giants,
and the color of her cheeks.
the trees sway hypnotically, rippling like small explosions
through the length of their trunks. The moan
parting lips, with the warm breath just before a kiss, lost
within the cathedral-like forest.
westerly breezes move the valiant storm in
tinging with electricity,
Climbing to the top of the hillside, the trees on the flat
below like a blue eyed babe, the morning after.
The clouds thin, vision less hazy, eyes open
with the desperation of night, giving way to dawn.
Apr 20, 2012
letting go
Letting go is a hard, long process. On February 29, 2012 when I came in the door from my last day on the job, I hung my work bag on the back of the kitchen chair. On March 1, I took my lunch out of it, my water bottles and my notebook, but left the bag hanging there with the rest of its contents inside (Tums, lotion, hand sanitizer, and the like).
Today, 7 weeks later I finally emptied it all (I found myself reminiscing over candy wrappers, wtf???) and I finally put the bag away.
I felt a sting in the pit of my stomach...
Today, 7 weeks later I finally emptied it all (I found myself reminiscing over candy wrappers, wtf???) and I finally put the bag away.
I felt a sting in the pit of my stomach...
Apr 19, 2012
Apr 17, 2012
moments
Have you ever felt the soft caresses of a hand that's no where near you? Weirder still, that feeling moves you to places you can only imagine. Overly dramatic? a bit.... but DAMN! this gives a whole new meaning to "Get the Sensation."
I'm going to catch my breath now........................................
I'm going to catch my breath now........................................
Apr 16, 2012
I love you, skip the flowers
It's weird to me that we give the women we love roses and flowers and such to show our love and appreciation to them. I don't know, maybe I'm off my rocker but... isn't that kind of like giving a guy a cucumber plant, with a big, ripe cucumber flourishing in the middle of it to show how much we love them?
I think perhaps, to show the people we love how much we appreciate them... a better alternative might be to show them every day with kind, nurturing gestures, and using the words "I love you." And, if they're our lovers... kisses, caresses, and tender touches wouldn't hurt! Romantic dinners? Doing something they're perfectly capable of doing themselves, but you do it anyway? These things I get. But killing plants that look a lot like genitalia? I just don't get it. I know... I've been told many times I think too much like a guy. Whatever dude!
I think perhaps, to show the people we love how much we appreciate them... a better alternative might be to show them every day with kind, nurturing gestures, and using the words "I love you." And, if they're our lovers... kisses, caresses, and tender touches wouldn't hurt! Romantic dinners? Doing something they're perfectly capable of doing themselves, but you do it anyway? These things I get. But killing plants that look a lot like genitalia? I just don't get it. I know... I've been told many times I think too much like a guy. Whatever dude!
Apr 15, 2012
sex and stuff
This is not my political blog, but really.... sexual politics just pisses me off. (If you know me personally, you understand why) The birth control issues of this Country are insane to me. People (i.e., old white men with a microphone and a shtick) can call it what they want, but it boils down to.... the general consensus in America is, it's a boy/man's obligation of nature to pursue all women for sex. It is the girl/woman's obligation of nature to reject these pursuits if she is not an adult or (gasp!) not yet married. If this girl/woman gives into the boy/man's pursuits, or God forbid... she is the pursuer, she is a bad girl! and deserves what she gets.
If boys were slapped with a label of condemnation upon losing their virginity, birth control would be put on the shelf way above Viagra and the degradation of women would end at last. The sign of a responsible woman is one who knows she digs sex as much as any man, and she takes the necessary precautions to prevent unwanted diseases and preganancy.
Give me a fucking break people!
If boys were slapped with a label of condemnation upon losing their virginity, birth control would be put on the shelf way above Viagra and the degradation of women would end at last. The sign of a responsible woman is one who knows she digs sex as much as any man, and she takes the necessary precautions to prevent unwanted diseases and preganancy.
Give me a fucking break people!
Apr 14, 2012
pair a dice
when the door opens, out front
where the foot meets the refuge
of the last step before the sidewalk
almost the length of a mile,
the clouds fade to sun
the heart beats to run,
feet clever as an acrobatic stunt
racing forward like a sled for luge
toward you, the door like a time clock
ticking, she wakes with a smile.
where the foot meets the refuge
of the last step before the sidewalk
almost the length of a mile,
the clouds fade to sun
the heart beats to run,
feet clever as an acrobatic stunt
racing forward like a sled for luge
toward you, the door like a time clock
ticking, she wakes with a smile.
Apr 12, 2012
In Joining
Right smack dab in the middle of a patch of red clay,
one blade of grass dared to grow.
The mud hogged all of the water and reflected the sun away,
but still the blade of grass grew.
The summer remained hot and dry, her knees stayed locked.
She stood strong, becoming taller and greener with each passing day
while all the blades of grass in the neighborhood, laughed and mocked
at the lone blade with chants of withering away
all alone in the dried up mud pile. But still, she grew.
One morning in mid August when the sun rose,
in the middle of that patch, she found a crew
of ten had gathered with a pose
of unwavering strength. Being in cahoots,
they swayed in unison with each passing breeze,
getting stronger by joining at the roots.
That patch grew thicker and tighter, becoming greener than trees
and greener than any grass that ever grew.
All the grass in the all the world stopped mocking and
the most amazing thing ensued,
all the grass in all the world joined together by the hand
to fill the world with the warmth of summer,
all year long.
one blade of grass dared to grow.
The mud hogged all of the water and reflected the sun away,
but still the blade of grass grew.
The summer remained hot and dry, her knees stayed locked.
She stood strong, becoming taller and greener with each passing day
while all the blades of grass in the neighborhood, laughed and mocked
at the lone blade with chants of withering away
all alone in the dried up mud pile. But still, she grew.
One morning in mid August when the sun rose,
in the middle of that patch, she found a crew
of ten had gathered with a pose
of unwavering strength. Being in cahoots,
they swayed in unison with each passing breeze,
getting stronger by joining at the roots.
That patch grew thicker and tighter, becoming greener than trees
and greener than any grass that ever grew.
All the grass in the all the world stopped mocking and
the most amazing thing ensued,
all the grass in all the world joined together by the hand
to fill the world with the warmth of summer,
all year long.
Apr 10, 2012
Deflections
Popping the clutch with each start,
speeding here and there, eyes never part
from the wheel and road. Breaking
never occurred, only lurking
through trees and such.
One day, she ran out of luck
taking a detour, unplanned of course.
It hit her with the greatest of force
a stunning sight for sure, seeing
with the wondrous eyes of Christmas morning
to a child just old enough to know,
yet young enough to believe its magic is bestowed
only for her. With a sense of entitlement
she gulps what is offered, the pungent,
the sweetness and the earthiness
luring her into a trance.
Melting in its embrace,
she makes love to the world
without regard to protection,
grateful for blowouts and imperfections.
speeding here and there, eyes never part
from the wheel and road. Breaking
never occurred, only lurking
through trees and such.
One day, she ran out of luck
taking a detour, unplanned of course.
It hit her with the greatest of force
a stunning sight for sure, seeing
with the wondrous eyes of Christmas morning
to a child just old enough to know,
yet young enough to believe its magic is bestowed
only for her. With a sense of entitlement
she gulps what is offered, the pungent,
the sweetness and the earthiness
luring her into a trance.
Melting in its embrace,
she makes love to the world
without regard to protection,
grateful for blowouts and imperfections.
Apr 6, 2012
harmony
dancing in and out
weaving to and fro
leaving no doubt
the illusion shall grow,
in love.
head held high
then dropped down
again, asking why
your name is a noun,
to love.
learning the moves
so when there's
nothing left to prove
the only thing left to share,
is love.
weaving to and fro
leaving no doubt
the illusion shall grow,
in love.
head held high
then dropped down
again, asking why
your name is a noun,
to love.
learning the moves
so when there's
nothing left to prove
the only thing left to share,
is love.
Apr 5, 2012
Lip, Stick
Those lips, oh
how they slip through
this tough skin,
pressing hard
against my soul,
kissing gently, without regard
of what they do,
to me.
Apr 4, 2012
5 weeks into a new beginning...
Since being screwed over by a gov't agency 5 weeks ago today, that chose to look after their best interests instead of fighting for a loyal and very good employee... the movie A Few Good Men takes on a new meaning. It will never cease to amaze me how low people will go to save their own asses. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this???
I filled my day with a fair amount of reading. And, I actually finished a few pages in my novel/novella (not sure which yet). Over the last weeks, accomplishing any writing feels like moving mountains with my brain. It actually hurts. I wish I could find a cure (or even cause) for this.
I also spent way too much time trying to get my son to see this free education he's getting as a valuable use of time. His grades kind of suck, but he doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing. Why must we all insist on learning from our own mistakes instead of learning from someone elses mistakes???? We humans are going to have to get a lot smarter if we expect to survive.
PS Do I look as stupid as my son thinks I am??????????????? surely not.
As Rosie would say, On we grow...
I filled my day with a fair amount of reading. And, I actually finished a few pages in my novel/novella (not sure which yet). Over the last weeks, accomplishing any writing feels like moving mountains with my brain. It actually hurts. I wish I could find a cure (or even cause) for this.
I also spent way too much time trying to get my son to see this free education he's getting as a valuable use of time. His grades kind of suck, but he doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing. Why must we all insist on learning from our own mistakes instead of learning from someone elses mistakes???? We humans are going to have to get a lot smarter if we expect to survive.
PS Do I look as stupid as my son thinks I am??????????????? surely not.
As Rosie would say, On we grow...
Apr 3, 2012
la-de-da
You know the type
walkin 'round
with their tribe
won't look up
lookin' down
their noses,
not even a whats'up?
to a kid smilin bigger
than an oak on Oak street.
---------------------------------------
closed off,
wrapped up,
arms crossed,
eyes down,
unless you...
never realizing, of course
all the world could care less
how high their horse
really is. Cause unless
the sun shines all night
they lose sight
of the path, looking even more
pathedic than before, and even so it's
unlikely they'll know
the difference.
(My attempt of kicking this writer's block out the door. This is crappier than the usual crap... but I know to rid myself of this I MUST WRITE no matter what. So, write I shall, no matter what it produces. This was inspired by some uppity parents of my kids friends who honestly think people like me care that they don't like me. whatever dude!)
walkin 'round
with their tribe
won't look up
lookin' down
their noses,
not even a whats'up?
to a kid smilin bigger
than an oak on Oak street.
---------------------------------------
closed off,
wrapped up,
arms crossed,
eyes down,
unless you...
eat pilaf
wear makeup
and at all cost,
you must live uptown!
-----------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------
never realizing, of course
all the world could care less
how high their horse
really is. Cause unless
the sun shines all night
they lose sight
of the path, looking even more
pathedic than before, and even so it's
unlikely they'll know
the difference.
(My attempt of kicking this writer's block out the door. This is crappier than the usual crap... but I know to rid myself of this I MUST WRITE no matter what. So, write I shall, no matter what it produces. This was inspired by some uppity parents of my kids friends who honestly think people like me care that they don't like me. whatever dude!)
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